"Frustrated, Incorporated"

Well.
For 2 1/2 brilliant weeks, I was starting to feel OK about Grandma's training. I was starting to feel OK about going in to marathon training. I was thinking maybe I was actually being someone of worth at my place of employment. Maybe, maybe, this was all going to work.
Then, cue plague, pt 2.
It started hitting on Friday. My 12 mile run was marked with disgusting coughing spasms and stops for the all-classy "snot rocket". I made it, but in no good time, and not feeling the best afterward.
Saturday arrives. I'm coughing like I'm a stage 4 emphysema patient. Probably not fit to be in public, but there I was behind the counter at DRC, battling Tent Sale crowds. Despite my co-worker's pleas, I stick out the entire shift.
Sunday--same. This time, I call in, hoping ANOTHER day of laying around on the couch, once again leaving my coworkers hanging.
Monday--same! Not feeling bad, aside from the incessant hacking, I go to work and about my business, but was sent home.
So, I broke down, and for the first time in years I went to the doctor. Despite my deep, complete fear of doctors and the entire healthcare industry, the woman I saw was fantastic. She narrowed it down to 2 possibilities--either an atypical bronchitis or RSV. We're throwing a Z-pack at it, and one more day of being a lazy, worthless, co-worker letting down, hacking pile of useless, and hopefully this will do the damn trick this time.
Is my frustration showing at all in that last sentence? Because that was my intent. I'm beyond frustrated at myself and the situation. I feel like I should just tough through it, keep training, be at work, do all the housework, be the supergirl. I feel that is the expectation, and I'm letting others and myself down by not hitting it. It's leaving me incredibly, incredibly frustrated and angry.
So, body: listen up. This whoe non-functioning thing is no longer an option. It's time to get your act together. We have stuff to do. We have a job to do, we have a race to train for. It's time to knock off the sickness routine and get back to it.

"I'm Gonna Let It Go"

Let me preface this post by saying this: welcome to my inner monologue. I am not implying that anyone said or thought the following about me. I am simply letting you inside my head.

Today, despite the sore, scratchy throat, the headache, and the slight body ache that I woke up to, I took my running clothes to work. I had planned on going out for a short 4 after work, but as the day went on I wavered on the idea. In the end, I opted to rework my week and spend the evening resting on the couch, hoping to nip the ick in the bud.
I swear to a divine being, every time I decide to skip a run, this darn Facebook group posts this freaking status:

This mentality of "push through anything" or "run every day" or "only slackers spend the evening on the couch" that I get from that just kills me. It's not just that particular status--it's a lot of the things that get posted or extolled on that site. It just drives me bonkers.
So, why did I let a stupid Facebook post get to me? Maybe it's the pressure of being "the girl from the running store". Maybe it's the myriad of healthy living related things I follow on social media. Maybe it's the mileage logging sites I am on. Either way, no matter what decisions I make regarding myself and this sport, I never feel like it's enough. Little things that shouldn't matter wedge their way under my skin. So, even with the ick feeling, I still did planks, sit-ups, tri-dips, and pushup, so I can try to reassure myself that the day wasn't wasted. It wasn't a wash.
OK, I <3 to Run. Put me in that "didn't" category. I did not run today. I did not run today, because I just didn't want to. That does not make me a bad runner. It does not make me a "not real" runner, whatever the heck that means. It means that I did not feel well, and I opted to take a day and let my body regroup. It means I will come back stronger because of it. I am not in active race training, I am just maintaining. Moreover, I am learning perspective. Part of that is that if I want to keep running as part of my lifestyle, I have to stop comparing myself to others. It means I have to be OK with my decisions and not make them based on what I perceive others reactions to be. There is a difference between something being inspring and something just driving me to a point of anger. And, if something as freaking petty as a Facebook status can make me jump to my blog screaming, then I know what a good step to take right now will be.

"Unlike".